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 In some ways it’s been a year of lost time. Soon my niece will turn 1 and I still haven’t met her. My teenage son has spent his junior year hiding from his parents in his bedroom. It’s been a year that in some ways barely happened, a year of absence and silence.  And yet in other ways it has been a year that happened loudly and painfully in the most profoundly disturbing way. Last year, on the final day of February, I returned home from covering the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, D.C., and pretty much never left. For months my only contact with the outside world was circumscribed by the view from the window of my apartment.

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The early months of the pandemic felt terrifying and apocalyptic. Some of my friends had their husbands put on ventilators, and one friend had her husband die. It reminded me of the early days of AIDS, with people getting sick and none of us knowing why or how. I had never in my worst anxieties imagined a world where we’d just have to stop doing everything we were doing. I mostly hid in my apartment (an enormous luxury, I know). I was scared. My husband, who has asthma, was convinced he was going to die of COVID if he got infected. I kept my kids home. We cleaned our groceries before putting them away. Everything tasted faintly of Windex.

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